Feeling Other People’s Emotions
(Yes, this is another follow-up to The Day I Hurt a Child)
Reflecting back on the shame and guilt I felt towards this incident, I concluded that it almost certainly didn’t come all from me. For a relatively minor fault like this one, I felt like I was the worst bastard in the world. Then it hit me. Those emotions aren’t mine.
I’m the oldest child in my family. It was with me that my mom and dad were given the choice for the first time to be abusive or not. They were put in the same position as I’ve been with that little girl, but they made the opposite choice - they chose to re-enact the violence they went through when they were kids and inflict it on me.
I was feeling their guilt. Their regret. Their shame at making an evil, corrupt decision.
And their emotions were keeping me from feeling my pride of not following in their footsteps.
That MEcosystem thing is powerful indeed.
